A Season of Thanks

There are so many things I love about fall: the colors, the smells, the crisp air, the crunchy leaves and the promise of the upcoming holidays. For me, fall tends to be a time of reflection. It’s a time when I try to be especially mindful of all of my blessings. It’s a time that reminds me how fragile life is and how grateful I am for my family.

Five years ago, on Thanksgiving Eve, I awoke suddenly. I was usually a very sound sleeper, barely noticing when Tanner would come home from work. I got up, looked at the clock and knew Tanner should be pulling in any minute from work. I felt different. Something wasn’t right. I was anxious. I went to our front room and paced in front of the window, just waiting for him to pull in. Time went by and I got more and more anxious. Every so often, cars would drive up the road and I’d get my hopes up, but Tanner never pulled in.

I knew Tanner would work late, preparing for the big day-after-Thanksgiving Day sale. And, he had mentioned that he may run to the grocery store after work to get some groceries for a luncheon he was having for his employees on Friday (so he’d have everything ready and he wouldn’t have to worry about it on Thanksgiving Day). We didn’t have cell phones at the time, so I couldn’t call him. I kept telling myself that he got caught up at the grocery store, buying ice cream or some other midnight snack. I kept telling myself that I was overreacting…and I was so ready to give him a piece of my mind when he finally got home.

After about 30 minutes of heavy pacing and severe anxiety, I went and woke up my sister Kelly (who was staying with us to celebrate Thanksgiving the following day). I didn’t say much. Kelly immediately knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t pinpoint it or even explain it. I called my mom on the phone. It was midnight, but that didn’t stop me. She heard the panic in my voice and knew something was wrong. After talking to my mom and Kelly, we decided that Kelly should go out and look for Tanner, while I stayed home with baby Lauren who was sound asleep and days away from her 1st birthday.

Kelly drove off to find Tanner. First, she drove to his work. The lights were out and nobody was there. Then, she drove through the parking lots of several local grocery stores. She still couldn’t locate Tanner or his truck. As a last stop, Kelly pulled through the parking lot of WalMart. Once again, no Tanner. As she drove back toward our home, she could see police lights and hear ambulance sirens. At the same time, I was at home pacing and listening to the sirens in the distance. As the sirens roared, I reminded myself that chances were good those sirens had nothing to do with Tanner. But, deep down, I knew differently.

When Kelly got close enough to the scene, she could see the bottom of Tanner’s truck. It had rolled and was mangled, but Kelly was still able to tell it was Tanner’s truck. The cops made her detour and wouldn’t let her go any closer to the scene of the accident.

Kelly doesn’t remember driving back to my house. She was in shock. As she walked in the front door, she froze. She couldn’t talk. After begging, she finally told me to call the cops. I called the police department and explained that my husband hadn’t come home from work and, although it sounded crazy, I was pretty sure something had happened to him. The dispatcher took Tanner’s name and put me on hold for what seemed like an eternity. When the dispatcher came back on the phone, he told me that Tanner had, in fact, been in a car wreck. When I asked about Tanner’s condition, the dispatcher had no idea. He only knew the accident was very serious and Tanner was being extricated from the vehicle. The dispatcher advised me to go straight to the hospital.

Kelly drove me to the hospital. It felt like the longest ride ever, even though it was only a few miles. I’d never been so anxious in all my life. All I could think about was Tanner being extricated from his truck and the seriousness of the dispatcher’s voice.

There was one other thought I couldn’t erase from my mind. Tanner and I had just discovered that we were expecting a baby…again. I was only 6-weeks along, so we hadn’t told anyone yet. My Aunt Michelle lost her husband, Kevin, in an accident when her son was one and she was pregnant with her daughter. I kept telling myself that it couldn’t happen to me too. I would never survive it.

We beat the ambulance to the hospital and it was a very, very long wait until I knew Tanner’s condition. It was hours before they’d let me see him. They’d immediately taken him in for scans, x-rays and other testing. I was so happy to finally get to see him. Looking back, I don’t know how I survived looking at all of the blood, his gaping face wounds and the shards of glass in his head and body. And he was shaking…shaking profusely. His body temperature had gotten very low and his body was in shock. It was a night I’ll never forget. The memories are still vivid.

Tanner had been hit head-on by a drunk driver who missed a bend in the road. Tanner was going approximately 35 mph and they believe the drunk driver was going in excess of 80 mph. We later learned that this driver, at only 23 years of age, had two previous drunk driving convictions. The cops told me that they couldn't believe either of these men survived the wreckage. One particular police officer told me that when he came upon the scene, he knew there would be fatalities, based on what he saw. Thankfully, that wasn't the case.

Our lives were forever changed that night. Tanner endured years of operations, physical therapy and doctor’s visits. He has permanent damage to his nerves in various places in his body and the nerves are slowly dying in his arm. He will likely lose all function of his left arm with time. But, most importantly, the accident gave us a new appreciation for family, for each other and for the bond that we share. How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father - who knew I couldn’t raise two girls on my own and who also knew there was another baby waiting to come to our family. We learned to wholeheartedly rely on the Lord for guidance and help. We’ve been blessed time and time again. We’re stronger for having gone through the experience and Tanner has taught me much about the healing powers of forgiveness.

During this season of thanks, I want to express my love and gratitude to Tanner for being a magnificent husband and father. Our girls adore him and I love him dearly. He is kind, gentle, protective, loving, spiritual, humble, fun and oh-so-handsome (if I do say so myself). Tan, I will love you forever!

Our truck was a complete loss. I knew our future was bright when Tanner asked me, as he laid in the hospital bed, if he could finally get that new Ford F350 he'd been drooling over! I told him he could have anything he wanted. After all, he had just survived a terrible wreck. He still drives that truck today!
This is Tanner a few days after the accident. At this point, he was all cleaned up and the plastic surgeon had worked miracles on his face. I told you he was handsome, right?!?

As we say at our house, "I love you more-ther than anything!"